Do all the things

We are suffering from exhaustion in this house.  Two months in London of go, go, go, and see all the things.  We literally went almost every day we were there.  Only a few days at our apartment.  The apartment was so small that it made it hard to stay home.  That doesn't even mention just the sheer exhaustion that you get from a long flight like that. 

Then we got home in late September.  Everything was already in full swing, so there was no break.  We went straight into soccer at least 2 nights a week, baseball at least 2 nights a week, both co-ops back in full swing, plus needing to get back to 'real' school.  We had basically unschooled while we were in London.  There has been no break for the last three months and we can all feel it. 

Couple this with the work that I have been doing with Celebrate calm in order to help me.  One of the objectives of this program is to un-busy our lives enough that we actually have time to relax and stop the pattern of anxiety.  Anxiety is almost like an addiction.  You get so used to the busy schedule and feeling anxious all the time that you almost need it to feel ok.  The goal is to remove certain things that aren't as important in order to give everyone the time they need to feel good and get out of this cycle.  

So we are making our list and discussing everything that we do.  The problem is that everything has value.  Horse club, the symphony, the plays, play dates, etc, etc.  As I say we can get rid of this thing (whatever it is), I start to feel super guilty that I am taking away things that the kids need.  When you both homeschool and parent, there is no one else to blame when your kids become screwed up or don't know something.  As a result (at least for me), I am always second guessing and always 'researching' something that they want to know about or to make sure we are on the right track.  Letting go is proving quite difficult.   (Guilt is another thing to tackle as part of the celebrate calm program, but that's another week or month or year). 

Luckily, our bodies gave out on us last week and forced us to cancel activities and say no.  Unluckily, we all had a stomach bug which was terrible.  You know what though?  The world didn't end when we didn't go to horse club or co-op or horseback lesson or baseball lesson.  I'm amazed, but it didn't.  We rested and the kids read and watched movies (some educational, some not) and we did some work, but slowly.  Actually we got through a lot of work even though we were going super slow and in small bits.  We've continued the trend this week.  Today we were supposed to go to the symphony.  I'd already paid for it.  The kids woke up this morning and didn't want to go.  They wanted to stay home and hang out.  Do you know what happened?  They ended up playing from about 11:30 until just a minute ago.  Together. Without fighting. An elaborate imaginative game.  Part of me was upset that we lost the experience of the symphony which is good and in my mind needed for them to experience.  The other part wants to remember this.  Wants to remember that it is ok to say no.  That sometimes saying no and staying home is just what we need.  The kids need all of these beautiful experiences and to see their friends, but they also need to know how to relax and just be home.  

For friends that hear me say no or step back a bit in the rush to the holidays, it isn't that we don't want to hang with you, we do.  We are just going to try to put as much value on our downtime as we do on all the wonderful experiences that we have.