Do all the things

We are suffering from exhaustion in this house.  Two months in London of go, go, go, and see all the things.  We literally went almost every day we were there.  Only a few days at our apartment.  The apartment was so small that it made it hard to stay home.  That doesn't even mention just the sheer exhaustion that you get from a long flight like that. 

Then we got home in late September.  Everything was already in full swing, so there was no break.  We went straight into soccer at least 2 nights a week, baseball at least 2 nights a week, both co-ops back in full swing, plus needing to get back to 'real' school.  We had basically unschooled while we were in London.  There has been no break for the last three months and we can all feel it. 

Couple this with the work that I have been doing with Celebrate calm in order to help me.  One of the objectives of this program is to un-busy our lives enough that we actually have time to relax and stop the pattern of anxiety.  Anxiety is almost like an addiction.  You get so used to the busy schedule and feeling anxious all the time that you almost need it to feel ok.  The goal is to remove certain things that aren't as important in order to give everyone the time they need to feel good and get out of this cycle.  

So we are making our list and discussing everything that we do.  The problem is that everything has value.  Horse club, the symphony, the plays, play dates, etc, etc.  As I say we can get rid of this thing (whatever it is), I start to feel super guilty that I am taking away things that the kids need.  When you both homeschool and parent, there is no one else to blame when your kids become screwed up or don't know something.  As a result (at least for me), I am always second guessing and always 'researching' something that they want to know about or to make sure we are on the right track.  Letting go is proving quite difficult.   (Guilt is another thing to tackle as part of the celebrate calm program, but that's another week or month or year). 

Luckily, our bodies gave out on us last week and forced us to cancel activities and say no.  Unluckily, we all had a stomach bug which was terrible.  You know what though?  The world didn't end when we didn't go to horse club or co-op or horseback lesson or baseball lesson.  I'm amazed, but it didn't.  We rested and the kids read and watched movies (some educational, some not) and we did some work, but slowly.  Actually we got through a lot of work even though we were going super slow and in small bits.  We've continued the trend this week.  Today we were supposed to go to the symphony.  I'd already paid for it.  The kids woke up this morning and didn't want to go.  They wanted to stay home and hang out.  Do you know what happened?  They ended up playing from about 11:30 until just a minute ago.  Together. Without fighting. An elaborate imaginative game.  Part of me was upset that we lost the experience of the symphony which is good and in my mind needed for them to experience.  The other part wants to remember this.  Wants to remember that it is ok to say no.  That sometimes saying no and staying home is just what we need.  The kids need all of these beautiful experiences and to see their friends, but they also need to know how to relax and just be home.  

For friends that hear me say no or step back a bit in the rush to the holidays, it isn't that we don't want to hang with you, we do.  We are just going to try to put as much value on our downtime as we do on all the wonderful experiences that we have. 

Dinosaur Valley State Park

This past weekend we went on a camp out with our homeschooling co-op to Dinosaur Valley State park.  Mom and Dad parked the camper there for us on Thursday, so all we had to do was show up.  (Very nice!!! Thank you Mom and Dad!)  Brooke and Caleb spent most of their time playing with friends. (Thank you to the Clays and Menzies for putting up with them!)  Clare makes it a bit difficult to be too far from the camper.  You are either carrying her or you have forgotten something she needs immediately!

On Saturday, one of the park rangers gave us a tour of the tracks with a short discussion of what could be found at this park.

Therapod (I forgot specific dinosaur) foot print abo. 113million years old

Some of our group looking at the Therapod footprint.

Our group being a Sauropod ankle. (Again, I forgot the specific dinosaur).

At one point, we lost a few of the kiddos.  Will found them in this cave.  The park is very cool because you can really see the different rock layers.  There are a number of very solid limestone layers, but in between there are very soft silt and sandstone layers.  As erosion happens, the soft layers go away, but the hard limestone layers are there above and below creating some pretty cool overhangs and caves to hide in.  

 

After the tour, Brooke, Caleb, and I went exploring.  We found this.  The ranger told us that this is tube worms.  Not the tube worms exactly, but the tunnels they dug.  Some of the tunnels have segmentation that looks like the tube worms.  This is likely because one died at that spot.  She dated this around 113 million years old.  

The river is very nice and spring fed like the Frio, but so much closer.  This might have to become a go to spot for my family.

Just a pretty picture of my red by the river.  

Clare wanted to be just like her Brooke and be a fire bug.  It was only slightly terrifying.

After staying up well past 10 the whole weekend, they all passed out on the way home.  Not the best picture, but you can tell that I have a full and tired backseat.

Changing seasons

This post has been coming for a while, but I haven't had time to write it.  I started planning for Christmas presents this last month.  We want to try to stay away from inside toys and electronics, though I am sure there will be a few of them.  As I was thinking about it, I realized that this is the first Christmas in my whole life that I will not get a check from Grammy and Grampy.  Now I know that that might seem greedy and selfish.  All I am thinking about is the money.  It's not about the money.  Though that $50 check did pay bills a lot of the Christmas' in my adult life.  It is about that last tether that held me to the past.  That last thing that let me pretend that it was all still the same.

Grampy died after Christmas 2008.  That was my last 'normal' Christmas.  I say normal because really it was an after Christmas, Christmas in Texas.  We had recently moved to Oregon and couldn't be there on Christmas day.  I didn't go to Christmas at Grammy's the next year because none of us could handle him not being here.  I really regret that now.  It was selfish.  How that must have made Grammy feel.  She was already alone and then her kids didn't come.  Then that February she broke her back and was in bed the rest of her life.  While we were in London, she finally found peace and left this world.

Even though Christmas wasn't the same, I could pretend they were still there.  We just missed it.  I mean they still sent a check.  Everyone still celebrated, it was just one of those years where we couldn't make it due to life.  I know it isn't true, but I could pretend.  I could not deal with it.  Those years didn't have to be completely over.  Now it is over.  There is no going back.  That season has completely passed.  Now I have to figure out how to be ok with that because right now, I'm not.