Food allergies suck

We all know that food allergies suck.  They suck for parents.  They suck for kids.  They suck no matter how gracious and go with the flow you are.  They suck no matter how well you understand that you feel better if you avoid these foods.  They especially suck when you have preteen hormones raging on top of your allergies.  

Most of you know that B has celiac, is allergic to dyes and eggs, sensitive to dairy, lacks enough enzymes to process protein well, and MTHFR (both genes are mutated. She doesn't methylated b vitamins or folic acid correctly.)  The cards are stacked against her health wise.  She doesn't absorb the foods she eats well and food is poison.  

In the last year, she's had it.  Had it with taking supplements.  Had it with not eating cheese and yogurt.  She won't stray from the gluten free because she knows how badly that effects her, but everything else she's willing to live with the consequences right now. What does that mean?  That means she is tired.  That means her tic disorder is back.  This time in the form of blinking. That means she isn't sleeping well and her anxiety is up.  

It also means that she has started hiding and taking food more often. Particularly candy.  She will take any candy in the house, even if it belongs to someone else, and then hide the wrapper in her room somewhere.  Even foods that are not someone else's, such as yogurt, are being consumed and then the wrappers hidden in her room.  I have even found a container of Parmesan cheese under her sink in her bathroom.  I'm not going looking for these things, but either ants or the dog find them for me...

I get it.   We had to be so strict when we first found out celiac and then again a couple years ago when she went downhill. Nothing but meats, fruits, and veggies. That sucks.  Now it feels like she's doing something wrong when she consumes these things and needs to hide it.  I get it.  

Getting it does not make this any easier.  I see how it's effecting her.  I want her to feel good and I know that getting back on her supplements and back off all the dairy and candy will have her feeling well again.  I don't want to harp on her.  I want to let her figure this out on her own.   But...but... It's awful watching her daze out.  It's awful watching her tic.  It's awful.  

I know it doesn't help anything to punish or talk to her about stealing/hiding food.  I know it doesn't help to yell or make her feel even worse.  That said, I have, I do.  I  have let go of so many things and each time I let go and let her manage, she surprises me.  She's done this with her school work.  I stopped harping on her to get things done on my time.  They just have to be done or no electronics or barn.  She gets it done now.  No tears and the output is wonderful!  Somehow this is much harder to let go of.  I see how much it is hurting her and how she isn't acting like my baby and I want to fix it.  As if harping on her will fix it.  I know logically it won't, but when I get home from the gym, she will start blinking and I will ask her if she's taken her medicine today or tell her to cut back on dairy.... Even though it won't help....food allergies suck....letting go sucks...

Do all the things

We are suffering from exhaustion in this house.  Two months in London of go, go, go, and see all the things.  We literally went almost every day we were there.  Only a few days at our apartment.  The apartment was so small that it made it hard to stay home.  That doesn't even mention just the sheer exhaustion that you get from a long flight like that. 

Then we got home in late September.  Everything was already in full swing, so there was no break.  We went straight into soccer at least 2 nights a week, baseball at least 2 nights a week, both co-ops back in full swing, plus needing to get back to 'real' school.  We had basically unschooled while we were in London.  There has been no break for the last three months and we can all feel it. 

Couple this with the work that I have been doing with Celebrate calm in order to help me.  One of the objectives of this program is to un-busy our lives enough that we actually have time to relax and stop the pattern of anxiety.  Anxiety is almost like an addiction.  You get so used to the busy schedule and feeling anxious all the time that you almost need it to feel ok.  The goal is to remove certain things that aren't as important in order to give everyone the time they need to feel good and get out of this cycle.  

So we are making our list and discussing everything that we do.  The problem is that everything has value.  Horse club, the symphony, the plays, play dates, etc, etc.  As I say we can get rid of this thing (whatever it is), I start to feel super guilty that I am taking away things that the kids need.  When you both homeschool and parent, there is no one else to blame when your kids become screwed up or don't know something.  As a result (at least for me), I am always second guessing and always 'researching' something that they want to know about or to make sure we are on the right track.  Letting go is proving quite difficult.   (Guilt is another thing to tackle as part of the celebrate calm program, but that's another week or month or year). 

Luckily, our bodies gave out on us last week and forced us to cancel activities and say no.  Unluckily, we all had a stomach bug which was terrible.  You know what though?  The world didn't end when we didn't go to horse club or co-op or horseback lesson or baseball lesson.  I'm amazed, but it didn't.  We rested and the kids read and watched movies (some educational, some not) and we did some work, but slowly.  Actually we got through a lot of work even though we were going super slow and in small bits.  We've continued the trend this week.  Today we were supposed to go to the symphony.  I'd already paid for it.  The kids woke up this morning and didn't want to go.  They wanted to stay home and hang out.  Do you know what happened?  They ended up playing from about 11:30 until just a minute ago.  Together. Without fighting. An elaborate imaginative game.  Part of me was upset that we lost the experience of the symphony which is good and in my mind needed for them to experience.  The other part wants to remember this.  Wants to remember that it is ok to say no.  That sometimes saying no and staying home is just what we need.  The kids need all of these beautiful experiences and to see their friends, but they also need to know how to relax and just be home.  

For friends that hear me say no or step back a bit in the rush to the holidays, it isn't that we don't want to hang with you, we do.  We are just going to try to put as much value on our downtime as we do on all the wonderful experiences that we have. 

Dinosaur Valley State Park

This past weekend we went on a camp out with our homeschooling co-op to Dinosaur Valley State park.  Mom and Dad parked the camper there for us on Thursday, so all we had to do was show up.  (Very nice!!! Thank you Mom and Dad!)  Brooke and Caleb spent most of their time playing with friends. (Thank you to the Clays and Menzies for putting up with them!)  Clare makes it a bit difficult to be too far from the camper.  You are either carrying her or you have forgotten something she needs immediately!

On Saturday, one of the park rangers gave us a tour of the tracks with a short discussion of what could be found at this park.

Therapod (I forgot specific dinosaur) foot print abo. 113million years old

Some of our group looking at the Therapod footprint.

Our group being a Sauropod ankle. (Again, I forgot the specific dinosaur).

At one point, we lost a few of the kiddos.  Will found them in this cave.  The park is very cool because you can really see the different rock layers.  There are a number of very solid limestone layers, but in between there are very soft silt and sandstone layers.  As erosion happens, the soft layers go away, but the hard limestone layers are there above and below creating some pretty cool overhangs and caves to hide in.  

 

After the tour, Brooke, Caleb, and I went exploring.  We found this.  The ranger told us that this is tube worms.  Not the tube worms exactly, but the tunnels they dug.  Some of the tunnels have segmentation that looks like the tube worms.  This is likely because one died at that spot.  She dated this around 113 million years old.  

The river is very nice and spring fed like the Frio, but so much closer.  This might have to become a go to spot for my family.

Just a pretty picture of my red by the river.  

Clare wanted to be just like her Brooke and be a fire bug.  It was only slightly terrifying.

After staying up well past 10 the whole weekend, they all passed out on the way home.  Not the best picture, but you can tell that I have a full and tired backseat.

Changing seasons

This post has been coming for a while, but I haven't had time to write it.  I started planning for Christmas presents this last month.  We want to try to stay away from inside toys and electronics, though I am sure there will be a few of them.  As I was thinking about it, I realized that this is the first Christmas in my whole life that I will not get a check from Grammy and Grampy.  Now I know that that might seem greedy and selfish.  All I am thinking about is the money.  It's not about the money.  Though that $50 check did pay bills a lot of the Christmas' in my adult life.  It is about that last tether that held me to the past.  That last thing that let me pretend that it was all still the same.

Grampy died after Christmas 2008.  That was my last 'normal' Christmas.  I say normal because really it was an after Christmas, Christmas in Texas.  We had recently moved to Oregon and couldn't be there on Christmas day.  I didn't go to Christmas at Grammy's the next year because none of us could handle him not being here.  I really regret that now.  It was selfish.  How that must have made Grammy feel.  She was already alone and then her kids didn't come.  Then that February she broke her back and was in bed the rest of her life.  While we were in London, she finally found peace and left this world.

Even though Christmas wasn't the same, I could pretend they were still there.  We just missed it.  I mean they still sent a check.  Everyone still celebrated, it was just one of those years where we couldn't make it due to life.  I know it isn't true, but I could pretend.  I could not deal with it.  Those years didn't have to be completely over.  Now it is over.  There is no going back.  That season has completely passed.  Now I have to figure out how to be ok with that because right now, I'm not.

London Post 5: Harry Potter Walk part 1

There are many places where you can take a guided tour of London, but I didn't want to be in a rush.  Oh! I also have 3 kids (yes 3!) and I didn't want to pay money only to have a meltdown and get nothing out of it.  I found a self paced walk at this website http://www.the-magician.co.uk.  The directions are very good and though we are only about 1/4 of the way through, it has been a lot of fun.  We may go through a few more pages tomorrow. 

First stop was the Leicester (pronounced LI-ster) Square underground station.  This station can be seen in the opening seen of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince when the Death Eaters swoop down over Trafalgar square according to the directions.  I don't have the movies with us, so can confirm. 

Next stop, Honeyduke's or in the Muggle world Hardy's Original sweet shop.  The highlight of the tour as we were able to buy Chocolate frogs and every flavor beans.  More to come on that one.

Goodwin's Court - Could this be the entrance to Diagon alley? Or possibly the street in Diagon alley that sold the dark arts stuff (can't think of it right now.)  Brooke and Caleb thought it looked very dark and that we might be able to find a shop that sold dark artifacts. 

Time for lunch!  A little taste of home!!! 

We must examine all of our treats from Honeyduke's.  We have wizard wands, fizzing wizbies, lemon drops, chocolate frogs, every flavor beans, and a gummy snake.  The chocolate frogs are the first to get consumed.  Caleb was rather disappointed because he received the lead singer of the band that played at the Yule ball.  Brooke received Madam Hooche which though not much better, still had Caleb wanting to go back (which we did the next day). 

Every flavor beans - yes every flavor.  Each back of the pack was slightly different.  I didn't realize this until Brooke told me after we had thrown them away.  This was Caleb's pack.  He couldn't wait to try and dug right in.  All was smooth sailing until he got a dog flavor one.  He spit it out and hasn't tried one since.  Brooke was too afraid to try after that.

Diagon Alley or the Muggle Cecil court.  This was an amazing little street.  We purchased gallion notes from a little stamp shop.  There was a book shop that claims to be the oldest seller of books on sorcery, astrology, etc which was perfect for the Harry Potter effect.  

We also saw the place where Ron, Harry and Hermione apparated after the Death Eaters crashed Fleur and Bill's wedding.  It was so cool, but I neglected to take pictures.  

From their we walked from Leicester square to Trafalgar square.  This is no short walk; at least few city blocks.  According to the site, due to construction for the Olympics the premier for the last installment of the deathly hallows couldn't happen in front of the Odeon theatre in Leicester square where all the others had.  Because of this, they ran a red carpet all the way from Trafalgar square to Leicester square. The speeches and promotions from the actors with fans surrounding all happened in Trafalgar square and then they walked to the theatre to see the premier.   

Below is Trafalgar square.  This is a big blue rooster.  Apparently it is new and many people don't like it.  It is gigantic and very out of place in the middle of all the wondrous sculptures and monuments.

Caleb riding one of the 4 gigantic lions at Trafalgar square.

Brooke riding a lion.  This was a huge accomplishment for Brooke.  The first time, she came back down scared and said that she didn't want to do it.  I knew she would be so disappointed in herself if she didn't do it.  I could tell she really, really wanted to.  I couldn't personally go up there and help because I had Clare in the stroller, but we talked about it.  I talked her up and we measured it in hands to make sure it wasn't much taller than her horses.  It took tears and all my little girl's courage, but she did it and she was so proud of herself.  Through tears she thanked me for helping her to do it once she had gotten back down. 

Obviously not Harry potter, but cool all the same.  We have been reading sherlock while we are here and they have a replica of the sitting room in the pub.  It was quite cool.

We also saw the entrance to the ministry of magic, but I didn't get a picture.  We were getting to be pretty done by this time of day and ready to get home.  We saw the door where they hid the ministry workers behind when they took polyjuice potion and went in to the ministry of magic to get the horcreaux off Umbridge.   We also saw where the phone booth was put up when Mr. Weasley took Harry in the visitors entrance for his trial for doing underage magic saving Dudley from the dementors. 

Back home and telling daddy about our day.  Of course, he has to try the every flavor beans.  I forget what he got, but it wasn't good.

Brooke finally got the courage to try one.  First she got toothpaste, which wasn't bad.  Then she got something very yucky.  From now on, she will only eat the blue ones because toothpaste is not too bad.

London post 4: Logistics (Warning a bit of a ramble)

We have finally moved to our apartment.  This is much better than the hotel.

We have more room and are all in the same area.  Brooke and Caleb were in a separate room across the hall at the hotel.  They were perfect, but this was quite a stress on me.  Once they were asleep it was hard to check on them.  The floors creaked and the door was loud!!

We have a refrigerator and full kitchen.  It isn't large.  The fridge is more like a dorm room fridge, but at least we can store milk and a few things.  I can also cook now which is so good.  We have food allergies in this family and have poisoned ourselves more than once with Gluten.  They tend to put bread crumbs in all of their sausages and hamburgers or meatball type things here.

Getting groceries does pose a bit of a problem.  You see I have a family of five and we eat a lot.  However, you can't fit much in a dorm room size fridge.  You also can't buy much at the store.  You have to carry everything home in small bags and the check out is not geared towards large purchases.  Basically this means a trip to the store every day to get something.  Not the most fun when you have three kids.

Laundry is a nightmare.  We have the tiniest little washer/dryer combination in the kitchen.  First, it holds next to nothing.  Second, it uses some condensation method of getting rid of the water and drying them which is ineffective at best and sucks greatly at worst.  The cycle takes 2 1/2 hours and you have to do most (even painfully small loads) twice.  Did I mention that I have a family of 5!!!  We also make a lot of dirty clothes.  Once I finally get caught up, I will try to just wash every day what we have worn the previous day.  It has taken me three days so far and I am not caught up though.  This is even with hanging up most shirts to dry.

Internet is much better hear too!  I can finally connect my phone to the internet and I can upload pictures to the blog.  This makes me feel so much more at home!

The apartment is still close to the tube station and has a bus stop right across the street.  We are walking a minimum of 2 miles everyday though.  (Hoping that I lose those last few pounds with all this walking.)  One day we all walked closer to 8 miles.  I was proud of my little people.  They didn't really complain and kept up!  They were just having so much fun.

We have taken the last few days in the apartment to just get settled, get some rest and get caught up.  We weren't really able to rest in the hotel.  We had to leave every morning in order for house keeping to take care of their business.  There was such little room that we didn't like being there for long either.  Everyone got a bit of cabin fever if we spent too long there.  We will get back to our travels tomorrow.

We also did a bit of pen and paper school this morning.  One of our co-op starts this week back home, so we are trying make sure that we keep up with at least the bare minimum of lessons.  The apartment has a living room area that made this easy.  We have been doing so much learning without pen and paper that it was a bit of shock to get back to a desk.  It only took a couple hours to get done what we needed to do though and then we were off to the park and of course the grocery store.

I have mentioned a couple of times that I have a family of five.  I am becoming increasingly aware that 5 is number that people are not really prepared for.  Everything is set up for a family of 4.  From eating situations to beds in a hotel or apartment. Even the canoe ride at Kew gardens was set up for 4 people, not five.  This becomes quite difficult when we are all together and trying to do activities.  Clare and I get left out to do our own thing or we end up waiting a bit longer.

Well that is my disjointed ramble to give you an idea of what life here is like for us.

London Post 3: Platform 9 3/4

King's Cross Station: Platform 9 3/4

We had an amazing time at King's Cross.  First stop, the gift shop.  We could not possibly take our pictures without our wands.  Caleb chose the Elder Wand and Brooke chose Ginny's wand.  Brooke identifies with Ginny.  She explained this to me before we left for London and has done quite the character analysis on her.  I was so glad that they had Ginny's wand.  

The shop was amazing.  It had a wall for Olivander's and then a book store.  I was tempted to buy a ton of books.  They had a few that I haven't seen in the US.  Magical creatures and where to find them, Quidditch through the ages, and the book about Dumbledore.  We had spent enough though on the the wands, so I didn't. 

 Time to wait in line for our turn at the Platform.  There were some people there that were VERY into it.  One guy was dressed as Dobby.  Complete with tea towel. :)  Nothing risqué but quite short.  

 Wands at the ready. 

 Our turn at the Platform.  My three little Gryffindors. 

 King's cross station from the outside.  It honestly doesn't look much like the movies.  It is more train staitiony.  The movies make it look majestic, but really it is just a nasty old train station with tons of people going about their business.  That doesn't make it any less cool, I promise.  

Since our trip, our wands have been required for most trips out of our hotel/apt.  The children are listening to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallow's again (of their choosing) and are so excited when they hear a place that they have been or realize something new.